Short and Funny Ones

"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."
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At pilot's training back in the Air Corps they taught us, "Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you make."
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Aspire to inspire before you expire.
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My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.
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As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray." From the back seat I heard his earnest request:
"Please, God, don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."
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Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
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Blessed are those who can give without remembering
and
take without forgetting.
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The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.
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God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.
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I was always taught to respect my elders,
but it keeps getting harder to find one.
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Every morning is the dawn of a new error...