Inevitable Life Experiences

I am on a roll with this morning, ha! I was telling my mom this morning about how she is the best mom and how much I appreciate her. I told her she is a good person and has a big heart. It got me thinking about how I have changed in some ways. Remember being innocent and giving without restrictions, because that was what came from your heart, and it was rewarding. Now it's so different. I am not saying we are all like that, but for me it has all changed over the years, and I know it has to do with my life experiences. But I feel so jaded and tarnished, sometimes I hate that about myself, because I never used to be so negative about certain things. I guess if you live it hard you see it hard. But maybe it just has to do with today's society and the way of the world, you always have to watch your back on EVERYTHING! People are, alot of times, out for themselves. I always think that way and therefore get on the defensive in my thoughts. I have to catch myself alot, before my thoughts go into words. Then I look at my husband and how he gives no matter what, without any restrictions, he doesn't automatically think that he's getting "screwed", and if he does then he learns from it and moves on, but he doesn't automatically apply the situation to everyone or everthing. I know it's not the best way to be, and I am still a giving person, I just have those negative thoughts behind things that I wish sometimes I didn't have. I look at my children and see how innocent they are and I love it. I'd rather watch their cartoons because they bring me back to the positive things that I have long forgotten. I do however, remember that's not the way God wants us to be so that's what keeps me in check.