Nice Ass

DesertSongbird is so funny with her picture of the ass. It looks like my husband's!! And for those of you that haven't seen it, check it out.

Blah Blah Blah

I got to thinking about my time, so far, as a mom, and it's definetely been up and down. It all started with looking at a picture of when I brought my oldest home from the hospital. I thought about how blissfull it was, the pregnancy, labor and delivery, bringing her home. I remember mourning my pregnancy and how I wanted to be pregnant again. Then I found out I was pregnant when she was 3 months old, I was elated. The pregnancy was definetly the opposite from the first, and for good reason because we found out that there were two in there!! What this all boils down to is that I had postpartem depression really bad. I know it started the day that I found out I was pregnant with twins, because I remember a surreal feeling and then it set in, I got scared. That fear eventually brought me to being depressed, because when I think about it after the fact, I don't remember bliss at all. I feel so guilty that my little twins did not have what my oldest had and I know that I have to get rid of that guilt because that's just the way it was. I just think about that time of my life and I remember misery. The babies did not sleep at night, but slept all day, I was recovering from a c-section and in pain, I had a toddler who was all over the place, and my husband was at work 13 hours a day to make the money. God pulled me through even though I felt hopeless and afraid. I feel like I am finally where I need to be in a positive sense, I still have my days, but I know what triggers my depression. I had an epiphany about all this here recently, because I never took the time to digest it before, even though I had help, I am finally at a better state of mind to take it in. I know that everyday, I make a conscious effort to be a better mother, wife and person. I do slide back at times, but I am also learning not to feel so guilty about it. I love my little girls with all of my heart, and they are so precious, and God blessed us with them. My depression brought to where I was thinking about how bad of a mother I was and my girls would be better off without a shitty mom. But, I am a great mom, and mainly because I try everyday!! I know you mothers out there know exactly what I am talking about, because I know I am not alone on all of this. Especially, where we love being a woman, because we get the beautiful experience of carrying the child and giving birth. With all due respect to the men, we couldn't do without ya, but we get the better end of the deal. Anyway, I had all this on my mind and my heart and just wanted to share.

Time To Sign In

I really haven't had any time to play on my blog. I kinda missed it! I have been working alot, trying to make a fat paycheck for a change. Momma hasn't been making any money LOL, but I love my job, and the company I work for is phenomenal (? spellcheck). Because we made such a good profit, the company sent every single employee $150.00 on Valentines Day, and told us that we were the best employees a company could ever have, now how are them apples!! hehehe! It's kinda like when Natale Maines got up during the Grammy's and did her little laugh, as if to say, "eat my dust!" It's funny because we are always the airline that "every other" airline makes fun of, but we are laughing all the way to the bank!! Sorry all, I am just proud. Anyhoo, life doesn't get better than this, some people don't ever like their job, I guess that's why some people are so angry in life, it's kind of sad. Crap! I get these brain farts, and I can't think of what to write, and it has only gotten worse since I've had kids. I was always told that I would become forgetfull, and for my, sometimes, feeble-minded brain, it doesn't take much. hehehe, I just had to crack on myself a little. My husband is over here like, "(sigh) still on blogosphere?", it's kind of cute. Oh, but my husband is so cute, hehehe! Well, better get off here.